Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Birthday News

Hello Friends,

So...this has been a rough few weeks. I had to go in for some exams because my body was not...behaving the way that it was supposed to. I was having a lot of pain and no one could figure out why exactly that was happening.

Fast-forward a couple of weeks. I had an ultrasound on Friday and they found out that my IUD was sitting too low in my uterus. Obviously the choice was to take it out.

Yesterday I went to my Primary Care Physician and she tried...twice. The thing wouldn't budge. So, after consulting with other doctors she reached the conclusion that the IUD was probably embedded in either my cervix or uterus. She sent me to the hospital today to see a gynecologist. Always a great way to start one's birthday. So, I went to the hospital at 8:30 AM and proceeded to have another doctor go spelunking into my nether-regions.

I am lucky because both doctors are really fantastic, but unfortunately the OBGYN didn't have any more luck. After a long period of adjusting and tugging, the thing wouldn't come out. We tried numbing me (nothing like a giant needle to the cervix on your birthday) and then some more pulling...but sadly no dice.

The long and short of it is that I have to have surgery. The concern is that the IUD has somehow shifted and is now lodged in my uterus. I'm going to go in on Friday afternoon and they will try a more non-invasive procedure first (with me completely put under) and then a slightly more invasive one if that doesn't succeed.

I-I am of two minds, really. I was in a hideous amount of pain today while they were trying, but it got to a point where I was growling at the doctor to just do it because “I can take it”. Because I really just wanted to be done with feeling so miserable. And I'm scared of surgery.

But...surgery it is. There isn't a choice. I am really nervous, really frightened, but I am trying to keep a good headspace about it.

Still, please send good thoughts my way? I'm trying to keep away from being completely freaked out. I'm going to have some good food, have some champagne tonight for my birthday, and just try to be happy.

Thank you to my friends and my incredible husband for being so sweet and taking such good care of me. I'll update as soon as I can.

All the love!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Small freak out

Yeesh, I am going to drive myself crazy. I mean, that's ok...that's a writer thing, right?

Ok, so you may have gathered from my post title that I am feeling a little overwhelmed. My fantasy series is just...there's so much. It is such a big world and I am suddenly finding myself doubting my ability to put it all on a page and have it come out as anything other than an incoherent mess. I have outlined up one side and down the other and written a lot but I just feel like I will never get it done.

I think some of this is that I'm almost done with book 3 of ASOIAF (which I'd never read before this year) and I am blown away by the sheer scope of G.R.R. Martin's world. I find myself looking at what he's done and going: “yep, there's no way I could ever do anything like that”. And on the one hand that's ok. I don't want to tell his story, I want to tell mine. The EBR is very different from Westeros, even though they both share some “Epic Fantasy” traits. However, one of the similarities is that scope (big world, lots of characters, lots of cultures and settings) and I am just scared that nothing I could ever do could share that mastery.

I need to just write, which is part of why I decided to take a few minutes to blog. It actually helps me start putting words on a page and get past my fear of completely failing and just do my damn job.

I am just...doubting myself right now. I have a wonderful support system in my life and have had a number of people tell me how much they like Dragon Touched and I just-I don't want to let anyone down.

Thanks for listening, friends. I doubt this will be the last post where I freak out.

Ok...Time to take a deep breath and work. I will never get better if I don't practice, practice, practice. “Quantity produces quality”, right Mr. Bradbury?

Here's hoping!


Thursday, October 11, 2012

Fanon vs. Canon (Part II)

Hello again, Friends.

You may have guessed from the title of my last post that I had a feeling that it was going to end up being longer than one entry. Well, I was proven right when Husband read the blog post the night I wrote it. He and I ended up having an hour long conversation about fanon versus canon, as well as copyright laws, and at what point a writer should step away from his or her work.

One of Husband's biggest concerns related to an idea that I had touched on a little bit in my previous post. I mentioned the question of “cultural heritage”. When does something cease to belong to the creator or originator and instead become the “property” of the community at large.

I think the best way to talk about this once again concerns George Lucas. I maintain what I said in my previous post in that I do think that ultimately while he did approve the books and the extended universe...it's still his universe. As such, while movies 1-3 don't “count” for me on a personal, fangirl level, I can cede that they are “official” canon and I respect that. However, where I cannot condone what Lucas has done is with the old movies.

I grew up on the VHS versions of Star Wars. You know, the ones where Han shot first and Hayden Christianson is nowhere to be seen at the end of Return of the Jedi. Going back and “fixing” those movies is shameful for me and a good example of where a creator should realize that their work no longer simply belongs to them. What if Rowling went back and took Harry's decision to die for the cause and instead had him Avada Kedavra'd while trying to run away? What if Michael Curtiz went back and made Bogey and Ilsa run away together? Or if instead of the incredible color saturation the moment Dorothy walked into Oz EVERYTHING was in color just because we can. Or, in another prominent example from my childhood, what if Spielburg went back and made all the dinosaurs CGI in Jurassic Park because we can do that now?

To borrow a line from that very movie: “...your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should.”

If Mr. Lucas wants to do prequels that discount the canon that had been established...I don't really get it but it's within his rights. Ultimately, changing the movies is too. But just because you can do something doesn't mean that you should. He's trying to change something ingrained in our culture to please himself and I don't think that's fair or necessary. The originals were awesome just as they were. We care about the story, George, not how pretty you can make it. 
 
All of this also brought up the question of collaboration. The extended Star Wars universe was something that George Lucas wasn't the biggest contributor to. The writers, illustrators, and designers who had a part in fleshing out that universe are as much a part, if not more, of Star Wars than the man himself and they deserve respect for the copious amounts of work that they have done. And as far as I know Lucas had to approve everything they did. So here's my question: there was this fantastic set of stories and art that you approved and fans accepted as canon why didn't you just use that? Instead of railroading what your contributors did, why not make an effort to work it into movie canon better?

When I asked this, Husband asked if I would be willing to let people collaborate on my world and you know what? Yes, I would...but with one caveat. I know where I want my central story to go, for the most part. It is a constantly evolving creature and that's just fine, but I do have a sense of the overall arc. I would love to let people into my world to play...but only after I was certain that the main story was told. It's an issue of pragmatism for me. I want to be certain of the story and don't want anything getting confused. I want to keep continuity as tight as I possibly can.

In the case of George Lucas, I understand that he wasn't originally planning on making more movies and that's part of how the extended universe came to be. But once he decided to continue, again, why not try to use the canon that already existed? It was a better story and one that stayed true to the characters and world that the fans love so deeply.

What would happen if we took the George Lucas approach to all art? Part of what makes art unique and lasting are the things about it that aren't “perfect”? CGI space-ships are a dime a dozen; give me an old-school Star Destroyer any day. Trust me to draw my own conclusions. Trust in your original vision and don't get lured in by how “modern” or “pretty” you can make something. The story should come before the trappings, yes? You make a cake first and then decorate it. Otherwise all you have is a pile of sugary frosting with no substance.

Give me substance over style any time.

I'm not sure we've really “answered” anything here and I'm ok with that. This has more been a long exercise in thinking/writing for me.

Conclusion-type things: Well, I think that Canon and Fanon are both important. I guess maybe the most important thing is that I do think that there is a point when, as an artist, you have to just let something go. Focus on improving your future work rather than constantly messing with what you have already done.

...hopefully I'll get better at taking my own “advice” in that regard as I mature as a writer.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Fanon vs. Canon (Part I)

Hello friends. I have a confession to make.

I am a geek. I know that this is deeply shocking, but it's the truth. I had always been a geek in a general sort of way, loving things like dinosaurs and of course, fantasy. However, middle school was the dawning of a new era of geekiness for me. You see, in middle school I discovered my first fandom.

Cue a black screen with blue letters bearing the immortal words: “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...”

STAR WARS!

Even if you have never seen these movies you can probably hum the theme, as well as the “Imperial March”. It comes on and fangirls and boys across the galaxy cheer and light up our lightsabers. We roar like wookies, laugh like hutts, and reverse our verbs like Yoda. We don't say goodbye, but rather: “May the Force be with you”. We cup our hands around our mouths in an effort to recreate the immortal sounds of Darth Vader's respirator.

“Search your feelings, you know it to be true”...

I grew up watching the original 3 on VHS with my dad. I always liked them, but in middle school my oldest friend brought me into the know about something incredible.

There were Star Wars books!

Now, in order to explain why this was a big deal I have to say that I watch a lot more movies as an “adult” than I ever did as a kid, in part because my parents were very pro-reading. They didn't want us growing up watching a ton of television (something that I'm actually really grateful for). So, while I loved the movies, it was the Star Wars books that really brought me into the fandom.

I can get into books way more than I can most movies because so much is left up to the imagination. Star Wars is a giant universe to play in and the books took full advantage of that. I also experienced for the first time that while the main characters are the “heroes” the side characters are usually the ones I end up super interested in (a trend that continues to this day). While my friends were honing their lightsaber skills and writing Jedi fanfiction, I was imagining how I could get my hands on a modified Firespray-31-class patrol and attack craft. I ended up getting sidetracked from the “main story” concerning Luke, Leia, and Han and drawn instead into “The Bounty Hunter Wars” by K.W. Jeter. I love me some bounty hunters. Boba Fett is still my favorite character in Star Wars, and it is largely due to “extended universe” fanon, rather than movie canon.

This has brought up and interesting question in debates between myself and other Star Wars fans. The obvious argument is always that George Lucas created Star Wars and as such, whatever story he chooses to tell is the “real one”. However, if you are like me (and I know this opinion is shared by a lot of other die-hard Star Wars fans) the “prequel” movies...kind of don't count. If, for example, I was to show my godson Star Wars I would just start with A New Hope and go through Return of the Jedi. The new movies just don't do it for me. They take away the mysticism of the Force, as well as explaining things that really didn't need to be explained. It is kind of hard to take Darth Vader seriously when you have watched him whine for 3 movies. The emperor isn't as effective as the creepy, psuedo-otherworldly creature that he is in the original movies once we have watched him be what we as Americans are seeing in droves as we approach November 6th-just another politician.

It is hardly surprising that so many of us who got drawn into the “Extended Universe” have trouble accepting the newer movies. In some cases, as with my favorite character Boba Fett, the stories are quite different. I can't stress enough how much I dislike Fett's origin story in the movies enough and that is in large part because, in my opinion, his story in David Keys Moran's “The Last One Standing: The Tale of Boba Fett” is much stronger. Now, this has been worked into the canon as re-established by the movie, but for me it just isn't the same. I think some of that has to do with what I said earlier about the Emperor and Darth Vader. Even with Moran's story a lot of Fett's past is still shrouded in mystery, which is perfect for a character like him. Spelling out Fett's childhood robs him of an element of that ambiguity which is so crucial to his character.

Anyway, this long rant is basically to illustrate the question that I am concerned with. Is there a time when fanon should be held above canon?

Of course, as an author if my work were ever to become known/liked enough to have people writing fanfic about it I would love to hear what they had to say. Having written a lot of fanfic myself I don't have a bad opinion of it. It can be done well. I can't do it well, but I know people who are brilliant at it (Das Mervin, I'm looking at you).

But if I were in George Lucas' position and had created a world where lots of other people were playing, what would then become canon? The Star Wars novels, as far as I know, have to be approved to some degree by the man himself. So...if he gives his approval to something and it gets written, published, and largely accepted as canon is he then obligated to stick to the story that was approved? Again, a lot of people I know simply stick to “he created it, he can do whatever he wants”. And of course, as an author, I can understand wanting creative control to ultimately be in my own hands. However, as a someone who is also a fangirl I feel like there is a point where fanon does become important. Fans come up with some incredible things.

So...when does something become, or does it ever become, the “property” of the collective culture? Is there a point where the creator of something has to acknowledge that their work doesn't just belong to them anymore and if so, how much to they allow themselves to be influenced by their fandom?

This is a tough question to answer and can be a slippery slope. The internet has given fanfiction writers unprecidented power to play in the fandoms they love and share them. And even if you look outside fanfiction, there are countless forums dedicated to Westeros, Harry Potter, Star Trek, Star Wars, Tortall, Redwall, and innumerable others. Fans can speculate about everything together. Bronies, Harmonians, Team Jacob, Kirk versus Picard, Bones and Booth, BAU, all of have their fandoms who will loudly venture forth their opinions and argue with one another in a glorious cacophony of dissension, discourse, and pure wish fulfillment.

This also means that if you are working on a story that is still active and uncompleted there are going to be a lot of opinions about what SHOULD happen. There's no way to make everyone happy. Look at some of the reactions to Rowling putting Ron and Hermione together. A number of the Hermione/Harry “shippers” were devastated and angry. But does that mean that Rowling should have had Harry and Hermione end up together?

Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and the countless other stories that are ingrained in our culture are a part of us. They were formative to us, they helped us establish friendships and learn what is important to us in storytelling. But they are still stories that were created by someone. That takes a lot of work and a lot of dedication and that merits respect. I don't think that our love of stories, or our purchase of books, movies, games, etc gives us "rights" over them. 

Before you get on me about this...imagine if people such as George Lucas, J.K. Rowling, Joss Whedon, and Gene Roddenberry had indulged every fan idea presented to them. Dobby and Dumbledore could have ended up romantic partners (yes, that fanfic exists). The One Ring could have actually been a TARDIS, Buffy could actually have been a vampire who later meets up with Bella and Edward. I know this sounds ridiculous, but the point is that pandering to every opinion isn't going to do the story justice. I started reading Harry Potter because I wanted to hear J.K. Rowling's story. It was hers to tell, no matter how I feel about some decisions (certain characters getting eaten by drapery, for example). I still respect that she is doing what she feels is right for the characters and the story. We may not always agree about what's “best” but it is HER story.

Looking at it that way, it is easier for me to reconcile what happened to Boba Fett's storyline. I may not like it, but I do think that it is dangerous for a writer, director, any sort of artist, really, to try and please everyone. It's important to listen to criticism (a topic for another post, for sure), but at the end of the day you have to tell you own story. It won't always end well, but that's art.

However, that doesn't mean that I have to “accept” Boba Fett's new origin story, just like all you Harmonians don't have to “accept” that Harry and Hermione do not end up together. That is part of the fun of being in a fandom. You are welcome to disagree with canon all you like, but there has to be respect for the vision of the original creator as well. They have given you a story; they don't have to give you exactly what you want every time.

That said, I think I will still skip showing my godson Star Wars 1-3, at least until he is old enough to appreciate the differences between the two triologies.

...just on principle, you understand.

Monday, October 1, 2012

The Scary Part

Hello, friends. I am psyched to be able to say that I made my deadline!

For those of you who don't know, I've spent the past 8 weeks or so feverishly working on a novella to meet the criteria for Abaddon's “Write for Abaddon” open submission call. I submitted everything they asked for on Saturday, also meeting my goal of getting it in before the Sunday deadline.

This has been an interesting project for me. I genre jumped from fantasy to sci-fi, which has proven to be unexpectedly rewarding. I LOVE fantasy and it's always going to be “home” for me, but it was so invigorating to step away from swords and sorcery for a little bit. The distance from the EBR reminds me of how much I love it and I hope that enthusiasm will help propel me further into my fantasy series.

Of course, now I get the nail-biting part. The waiting. I can only imagine the number of queries they have gotten, so I expect that it will be awhile before I have any news one way or another (not that this will stop me from obsessively checking my email).

I am cautiously optimistic. The story I submitted is pretty solid, I think. Either way, I know that if it is not accepted it was not for a lack of effort on my part. It feels good to know that I threw myself into this 100% no matter what the outcome may be.

Yes...it feels good to know but I'm also terrified. This is the scariest part.

...but also the most exciting part.