"Fateful Flailing"

Afternoon, Everybody!

Why is it I can't write the word "everybody" and not hear it in Dr. Nick's voice?

Anyway...

I wanted to talk a little bit about a new project that has both everything and nothing to do with my writing ones. About a year ago (it seems much longer), some wonderful friends of ours introduced us to a game called "Fate".

Now, this would probably be a good time to acknowledge that up until about 3 or 4 years ago, I didn't really have any tabletop gaming experience at all. My games were limited mostly to Neverwinter Nights, Dofus, WoW, and, only recently, Skyrim. It's only in the past few years I have learned the fun of games like Cards Against Humanity, Munckin, Pandemic, Lords of Waterdeep, Smallworld, Forbidden Desert, and a couple of others.

However, there was one type of gaming that I hadn't really touched, that being RPGs. I am not sure why. In retrospect, it seems like something right up my alley. So when Husband suggested we do a Fate game with our friends C & M, I was a little nervous. I agreed to play, though I'll admit I wasn't really expecting to enjoy it. Husband was certain that I would and, as it turns out, he was 100% right.

Fate is at its core a collaborative storytelling game. The math that plays such a big role in D&D is far more simplified in Fate, which definitely appealed to someone like me. Our first game, once we got past the requisite rolling for characters, was so much fun. I was hooked as hard as I'd been with Harry Potter or Neverwinter and seriously couldn't wait to play again.

Our group has never once failed to produce a game that started off weird and got progressively more ridiculous. And I have to give it to Husband and C, because they alternate between GMing so that they each get a chance to play and they are amazing. They come up with fantastic stories for us to play with, they let us drive the game, and they know how to do a boss battle that leaves us wrung out at the end.

Perhaps this is why I am so freaked out. Because you see, our group recently decided we were growing out of the rascally city of Freeport. So we made our own city. We worked as hard building this city as I ever have on any world-building for my novels, and then took turns GMing a kind of starter set of encounters and quests.

It's my own fault, really. Because I have been saying for awhile that I wanted to GM a game. So when GMed my little mini-session, I got SUPER into it. I loved it. I don't know if I'd say I loved it more than I love playing my current badass ranger, but it was CLOSE. Husband and C, seeing my excitement, were very supportive, suggesting that I GM the next game.

And I am SO stoked. I have ideas, I have characters, I have locations, I am ready but also guys?

Fucking eeep.

This will be the first time I GM anything and I am honestly kind of freaking out. The two GM examples I have are so fantastic, and our group is so great, I have this powerful fear that I am going to fuck it all up.

I know this probably seems weird, given what I do. I love to write, I love creating worlds and stories, I LOVE doing it collaboratively. But...what if I suck?

The mini-session I did went well...I think? The group seemed to enjoy it. But I felt like I talked to much, or was steering the story too much? I don't know. Something that was the wrong the thing and will make my players hate me/my GMing/want to kill off my RPG character so that they don't have to deal with me ever again.

A lot of this is just...anxiety, which is as always a fun part of my particular flavor of mental illness. Negative self-talk is kind of my thing. But some of this is also because it manages to be weirdly more personal even than writing a novel. I re-read, re-write, edit, and edit again with my novels before anyone ever sees them. But this...if I fuck it up it will be right there literally on the table almost immediately.

Also my novel characters cannot throw dice at me. I am sure they would if they could, but they can't.

So yeah. I am crazy excited and if the group is ok with it, I'll write about my experience GMing here, but I just wanted to share that that is a thing that is happening and I am excitified. Terricited? Some combination of those things.


Love to you all as always.

~EW