A Married Woman's Thoughts on Marriage Equality

Good morning, Dear Reader.

So, I have been thinking. I talk about a lot of very personal things on this blog, yes? We've talked about my shishy bits and about my depression. Hell, I've even talked about politics. Today I have some thoughts I'd like to share that are inspired by what has been going on on Facebook for the past week or so. As I'm sure you all know (especially if you have the Facebook) marriage equality is a big issue at the moment. Everywhere I look I see people sporting equals signs, rainbows, and even my favorite: family, family, family, family, BATMAN.

Well, as a married woman who hopes to one day bring children into this world, I do happen to have some very particular thoughts about marriage equality and how it impacts the cohesion of my family. I was going to try to frame this humorously, but you know what? I can't. It's too damn important.

LGBT people getting the same rights that straight people take for granted has had absolutely no negative impact on my marriage.

Knowing that out there Ellen and Portia can actually refer to each other as “my wife” has not lessened the bond between me and my husband when he calls me the same thing.

When George Takei refers to Brad as “my husband” it doesn't detract from when I call my husband the same thing. He is still my husband. I am still his wife. It is every bit as meaningful. If anything I am just happy that others can share in the feeling of being bound to someone that way.

LGBT people getting married has not made my marriage license fade like words in Tom Riddle's diary. My wedding dress has not withered or burst into flame. My wedding band has not cracked or melted like the One Ring in Mount Doom. When one of the women who is like a sister to me gets married in two weeks, I do not anticipate that dragons with rainbow scales will appear in the Wisconsin skies to prevent a straight union. If that were to happen then perhaps I could understand the hyperbolic rhetoric of the "War on Marriage".

Personally, I do not feel my marriage is under attack at all. My marriage is what it has always been: a relationship built on love and trust and understanding. Is it perfect? Absolutely not. However, its imperfections are due to the flawed people who maintain it. It is not imperfect because in some places LGBT people can get married.

When I think of procreating, I don't worry about the fact that somewhere there might be LGBT people marrying one another. There are much more important things to worry about. I worry about climate change. I worry about the economy. I worry that I will become so crazy during pregnancy that I scare Husband off. I worry that I will be a bad mother. I worry about potential alien invasion.

I don't worry that two people who happen to have the same junk getting married is going to warp my child in some way. I worry about reality television warping my child. I worry about cyber bullying warping my child. I worry that the internet in its infinite perversion will warp my child. I worry that certain news networks will warp my child. These are real threats. Two adults who love each other choosing to make a legal commitment to one another is not a threat.

A good marriage, a good family, isn't based on the sexuality of the people involved. Straight people get divorced all the time. There are lots of awful parents who are straight. It isn't about sexuality, it is about humanity. People are flawed. However, the thing that can mitigate those flaws and make us stronger? Love. Love is what is important.

Let me frame it this way. When you notice other people breathing, does it somehow lessen your ability to do so? Of course not. If you are having a delicious piece of cake and you see someone else having a slice, does it detract from your enjoyment? I sincerely hope not. Marriage is like both air and cake. Air, in that legally it is a right that we should all have access to. Cake because there are lots of varieties and they are all delicious.

So, as a married woman, I think that if the fact that LGBT people would like to make a commitment based on loving, honoring, and caring for their partner is a threat to you, the issue is you, not them.

With love, as always,

E.W. 

Tom Riddle and his diary are the property of J.K. Rowling, Mount Doom and the One Ring of J.R.R. Tolkien.